If you’re putting on a brave face because you’re too scared to ask for help, please, ask for help
A lot of the time when I write posts like this, I’m struggling myself. It’s like my only little cry for help. I had been doing pretty well for a couple of months, but that’s only because of the brave face I put on and it’s what I kept telling myself. Truth is, I’m not coping.
I haven’t been coping for a long time now.
A brave face hurts you, not helps you
I do this every single time I start to notice my mental health going downhill. I tell everyone I’m fine, I go about my days like nothing is wrong and I’m damn good at it too. The only problem? Putting on a brave face doesn’t help. It only makes things worse.
Why doesn’t it help?
- You start to believe no one cares because they haven’t noticed that you’re not coping.
I do this all the time. Your significant other, friends and family don’t notice, obviously because you don’t tell them. But that’s not what the anxiety ridden brain in my skull tells me. It tells me they don’t care, that they’re not interested in my problems and that I’m worthless.
- You start to feel numb to everything.
This is when I start to realise what I’m doing to myself. You feel numb to pretty much anything. Expectations at work that you’re not living up to? You know deep down inside that you do care, but it’s hard to figure that out when you’re feeling numb.
- You feel numb, but your anxiety still makes you worry about EVERYTHING.
This is the worst part for me. My head is constantly racing with the worst possible scenario. Maybe I’ll get cheated on while my partner is away. Maybe the company I work for will get rid of me. Maybe my friends will decide they don’t want to be friends with someone like me anymore. It. Never. Ends.
- You begin to feel extremely unhappy with every aspect of your life.
I try SO hard to be positive as much as possible. But today, I woke up feeling like everything in my life is just ‘wrong’. I’m not happy in my current job, I don’t wake up jumping with joy because I know my purpose in life, truth is I still wonder why the hell I’m even still here sometimes. I have continuous suicidal thoughts that I would never act on because I’ve been there before and I know that each time I’ve tried before, I’ve regretted it instantly.
- It makes it harder to reach out for help when you really, really need it.
I’m at this point in my life where I just don’t really see the point anymore. My psychologist had to take leave for 6-12 months, and she’s the only person I’ve ever felt comfortable really opening up to. The next person is my partner, but he’s gone, with limited contact, so I don’t really care to ask for help anymore. I don’t feel like it’s going to do anything to actually help if it’s not coming from someone I trust.
I’m urging you, if you start to feel this way, don’t make my mistake and hold it in. Ask for help while you still have the strength within you.
I hope to find the courage myself soon.
Until next time,