The worst thing about living with both mental illnesses? The irony.
Speaking from my own experience,
Anxiety is constant worrying. ‘Worrying’ isn’t even the best term for it. It’s constant fear. Irrational thoughts in your head in relation to your family, friends, your relationship, your work.. just about anything you can think of. It’s terrifying. Just imagine waking up of a morning, and your first thought being something along the lines of ‘What’s going to go wrong today?, Is my partner going to break up with me?, Am I going to get fired?, Do my friends hate me now?’.
Depression, for myself, is not caring about ANYTHING because all you can focus on is how empty and numb you feel. It’s not caring what people think. Not caring about the value of your work, not caring about what you say to others or whether it hurts them or not. Essentially, it’s just not giving a fuck.
The Cruel Irony?
Anxiety is constant fear, and depression is not caring. So what’s it like living with both?
Every morning when I wake up, I feel instant dread for the day. There’s no usual trigger or anything like that, it’s just as soon as I wake up, I feel fearful for any possible thing that could go wrong. But give it five minutes, and I just start to not care.. it’s a fine line between caring too much and not caring at all. It makes giving my all to my relationships, my work, just my life in general an exhausting experience. My friendships get pushed to the side, just like everything else in my life.
Keep an eye out for an upcoming post on how I manage depression and anxiety!
Until next time,