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Why Depression is my comfort zone
For as long as I can remember, I’ve had what feels like a black cloud hanging over me. Anywhere I go, I feel like something is missing. That something has always been true happiness. I can’t remember the last time I felt TRULY happy.
I’ve noticed that every time I get into a serious depressive episode, I find it EXTREMELY hard to even try and get out of it. This is where I’m comfortable. I can imagine you’re probably thinking, “What the hell? How could you possibly be comfortable in that state?”
The problem is the fact that I’m so used to being depressed that it has become my comfort zone. Every time I feel some sort of happiness, my instant reaction is “How long is this going to last?” so I generally self sabotage (especially when it comes to relationships) and start an argument, or if it involves doing something that makes me happy, I generally just stop doing whatever it is because that way, I can go back to my comfort zone. It’s a daily struggle that I’m trying so hard to get out of.
I’m allowed to be happy, right.. ?
I can’t tell you how many times I have searched Google, Pinterest, Instagram and even Facebook just to find some sort of inspiration to help me allow myself to feel happiness. Because my partner recently left for Kapooka about three weeks ago, the first week I was severely depressed. I didn’t want to help myself. I tried to get out of working (I’m incredibly happy that I stayed at work because it helped distract me), I tried to avoid friends and family, and most of all, I tried to avoid talking about it. I was a mess. I seeked out help from the mental health team at our local hospital and all they wanted was to just put me on medication and get rid of me. For the record, medication doesn’t work for me. It either makes me feel worse or not feel at all.
I was recently listening to the Melissa Ambrosini podcast, episode 33 with Nora Gedgaudas. This episode was filled with SO much information about nutrition and the link it has to Depression. If you struggle with Depression or Anxiety, I highly recommend this episode! In fact, I recommend Melissa’s book, Mastering your Mean Girl, as well. I’ve loved reading that book and her perspective on life.
The Power of Positive Thinking
This is the main thing that has helped me in allowing myself to be happy and to get out of my ‘Depression Comfort Zone’. I have literally forced myself to think positively, and it has been making a huge impact just on the state of my mind alone. For every negative thought I have, I force myself to think of two positive thoughts. For example, I think of how grateful I am for my cat, or my partner, or I think of something exciting that has happened to me or is coming up and in doing this, I rewire my thought process and allow myself to feel happier. I honestly think it has helped me immensely.
I would love to know, what do you do to help yourself feel happy/be positive? Please, leave a comment or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org!
Until next time lovelies!
You may also like What I wish people knew about Anxiety and Depression, What Bad Days look like for someone with Anxiety and Depression, How anxiety affects every aspect of my life and Types of Anxiety.